I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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