omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
