I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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