Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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