No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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