Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize