you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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