SEEEEXXX PLEASE
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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