sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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