Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
one might say we're banned from that church
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
