Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
