I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Someone came in the potted fern
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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