ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
