Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
