i was rollin on her like bob the builder
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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