i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
