so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just want nice things and good sex
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
