Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
