I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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