I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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