you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
