It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
