so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
