What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
