Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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