I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
