I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
