The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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