Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
