I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
