Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
