My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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