I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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