Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
