he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
