Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
