no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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