I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
