Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
