Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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