Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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