at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
