now i know why i became what i already was.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
