you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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