So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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