tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
