dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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