Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
