I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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