brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
