it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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