do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
