It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
