Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize