also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dignity is for republicans.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
