Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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