the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
