Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
