The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
