if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
