I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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