Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
