Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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