twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
