i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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