my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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