If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
